Saturday, 31 March 2012

A mothers work..... MEME

I've been tagged by the lovely MishMashMummy in this Meme! Love this Meme as I enjoy reading about what everyone was up to before their lives changed forever!!

Please post the rules.
Answer the questions in as much or as little detail as suits you.
Leave a comment on so we can keep track of the meme.
Tag 3 people and link to them on your blog.
Let them know you tagged them.
Tweet loudly about taking part #amothersworkmeme.
1.  Did you work before becoming a mum?
Yes, and I still do. I'm just on maternity leave at the moment. I work for a major Law Firm in the North West as a Paralegal/Legal Excutive. Basically, for those that don't know what one of those is, I do exactly the same job as a Solicitor only I don't earn as much money as I have one more year long course to do in order to gain the job title (and the extra $$$$!!). I done my degree part time over five years with a full time and a part time job.
2.  What is your current situation?
I found out I was pregnant just after leaving my old Firm (where I was for five years) and joining another one. Damnit! Therefore I was not entitled to Maternity pay and whereas if I'd have stayed where I was I would of gotten full pay for six months and half pay for a further three. Boohoo. I've been on Maternity leave since 1st September of last year and it's not been decided when I will return to work as of yet. At present, we are staying with my mother (the BF, the LO and I) and are in the process of buying our first home together; which by the way needs completely gutting. Not a thing can be salvaged as it's in that much of a state! Anyhoo. I'm in turmoil at the moment over going back to work; whilst I want an element of normality back in my life I don't want to go back full time and miss out on watching my daughter grow up. Hopefully I'll be able to find a happy medium as nursery fees by us are almost the same amount as my pay!! Ridiculous!
3.  Freestyle – got your own point you’d like to get across on this issue? Here’s your chance… 

I'm with MishMashMum on this one!! Childcare in the country sucks. It's too bloody expensive. How the hell do the government work things out? I don't get it!! Maternity leave is for no longer than twelve months; yet free childcare doesn't start until the child is three years old. What exactly are we to do with our children for those two years, then?

Im not looking forward to my little girl starting school because  she's going to have to go to a breakfast and after school club. I won't get to drop her off and pick her up; my hours simply won't allow for it!

Ok so I tag....

From Slummy to Yummy Mummy

The Crumby Mummy

What a Difference a Day Makes



Friday, 30 March 2012

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Thursday, 29 March 2012

A baby free day is NEVER a mummy's day off.....or is it?

So today BF has taken the little one to his mothers. We have a bathroom suite being delivered there today (for a house that we don't actually have) and he has gone along to supervise. This was originally my job as he was supposed to be in work today, but when his friend that gives him a lift to work (whilst he is car-less until Friday) texted him to say he wasn't going into work and there would be no other way for him to get there, I saw my chance and grabbed it with two hands.

"Errrrr, you might aswell just go to your mums with Isla on your own today then hey? I can stay here and do some cleaning and put all the clean clothes away." He didn't look best pleased but reluctantly agreed. So off they went at 8am with car packing a pram, a highchair, a door bouncer and several other sources of entertainment.

I went into the kitchen and pretended to busy myself for five minutes whilst I was still in full view of the car backing out and as soon as they were out of the road, I was upstairs and in bed.

Why did you do that? You may ask. Well, because I'm a naughty mummy. We went along to my friends house just around the corner last night after child was in bed. BF wanted his hair trimming and my friend happily obliged. As we were in the kitchen chatting away, snippets of curly hair flying everywhere there came a knock at the door. I answered and stood behind it was our friend who now lives in Marbella who had come home for a little visit; complete with a new set of boobs.

OBVIOUSLY I had to to have a glass of wine; BF declined the offer of a Magners and started looking shifty once he had his new hair style. He said he'd go back home whilst I stayed for a while as he didn't want to be caught up in the thick of the girl chat.

That little glass of wine? Turned into two bottles and coming home and sneaking into bed at 12.30am. On a school night??!! Your terrible Muriel!! Well I had to!! Hadn't seen the girl for months and she had a new set of toys that were the main topic of conversation for the night (anything but baby talk for a bit suited me down to the ground).

When Beyonce started singing at 5.45am this morning I sprung out of bed and pretended I was fine. Well, I was really.

"Feel rough do ya?"
"NO!!". Lie.
"I only had two glasses of wine". Lie.

He reads this blog, so now he will know I was lying. I would have told him anyway at the end of the day. *Evil Laugh*

So BF, want to know something else do ya? I have spent the morning doing absolutely sweet FA. Oh actually, I went to KFC earlier and chomped my way through half a kilo of hangover stodge. It's been a glorious morning, a tell thee.

I never ever get time like this though, ever. If BF is watching the baba, I am almost always doing something else for her or for us. If I am watching the baba and BF is off work, then he is doing something he wants to as all of the housework is already done. So why the hell not? I'm obviously going to have to get everything done. Well, nobody else is going to do it are they?

No harm in another little 30 minute snooze before I start though, I'm going to have to! I need energy!


Ten things I tell myself everyday....

Farfromhomemama very nicely tagged me in this meme! So here are my 'Ten things I tell myself everyday...'

1. At some point before my maternity leave comes to an end, I will win the lottery. Then instead of going back to work, I can just swan around in my mansion all day doing general millionaire activities. I probably won't have much time for much else.

2. I can definitely take that chicken out of the freezer later, I don't have to do it right now. And I will definitely remember to do it later and in good time for it to defrost before dinner time. I definitely won't have to take another trip to the supermarket again like I have done everyday this week to buy fresh meat for dinner whilst having a freezer full of food.

3. It's ok that I have paid up front for eight weeks of bootcamp, three sessions a week; I don't particularly have to go tonight. I will be fine just to get into bed after my daughter is asleep and just fester all night long eating, drinking and looking at gorgeous clothes on the internet that would look awful on my shape.

4. I have been to bootcamp tonight. I am definitely ok to have a large Costco chocolate muffin with a cup of tea (they probably only have around 3 calories anyway) and even if I want to have 7 kitkats for my breakfast, again, that will be fine too. The effects of bootcamp will still work.

5. Sitting my daughter in her walker all day in front of Mickey Mouse clubhouse is probably the reason why she is so developed. She will probably be able to count to five by time she is 7 months old. It's even better when I don't get her dressed all day, as dressing her only interrupts her viewing time.

6. Dry shampoo is good for my hair. It makes it look cleaner and shinier than washing it with actual water and regular shampoo. It probably makes it grow faster too.

7. The hairs on my legs are blonde. You can't see them. Therefore there is no need to shave them. What's the point?

8. It's sunny, I want to wear that vest top and those shorts but I am so hideously white I can't bring myself to  expose my body to the general public. I couldn't be bothered last night, but I definitely will have a massive spurt of energy tonight apply false tan. I will then also probably wash, blow dry and curl my hair, pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs and paint my nails. Then I will be able to spend the day tomorrow just acting gorgeous.

9. The washing has been out on the line now for a total of three days and two nights. At some point in the next hour or so, it will bring itself in whilst the iron gets itself out and when I come back from the shops, all of the clothes will be neatly hanging in the wardrobe. Colour coded.

10. I am going to wake up tomorrow and my size 8 pre-pregnancy jeans will fit. I will have had this miraculous never before heard of weight loss and everyone will be dying to know my secret. But the thing is, I won't even know it myself it will just happen.

I can't work out how to tag people at the moment!! Damn. So I'll get back to you on that one once I know how as I'd like to see a few more ladies posts!



Monday, 26 March 2012

A day out at Disney on Ice....

....I will never doubt BF again. Well, that's a lie because I obviously will.

On Sunday we took a trip in to the city centre to watch Disney on Ice: Princesses and Heroes. Me, he and the little one.

BF bought the tickets (front row tickets, to be precise) when I was 9 months pregnant as a surprise for me. When he revealed the surprise to me, a few thoughts crossed my mind. The first one was that the child would be only 6 months old by time the show came around, she wouldn't have a clue what was going on and would probably sleep through the entire thing anyway. The second was that we would probably be sat on the front row with this little baby fast asleep in her pram whilst the eyes of the other more experienced parents burnt tiny little holes into the back of heads, sniggered at us and took pity on the young couple at the front with their new baby who obviously didn't have a clue about Disney on Ice, parenting and just life in general.

Well; I was wrong about the first bit, but probably right about the second; I did catch the glimpse of a few judgemental pairs of eyes but enough about that for now; judgemental parenting is a whole new subject and can be saved for it's very own blog post.

Anyway, back to the first thought. Bloody hell was I wrong! I was rather on edge entering the arena. I suppose I was just stressing that she would kick off as soon as we got sat down and every last person would be watching the inexperienced mum at the front trying desperately to quiet her daughter down without success. I needn't have worried though.

We were late getting in there and so were guided to our seats by an usher with a tiny little torch. The seats were amazing! We were literally sat right on top of the ice rink. Could not have gotten any closer if we tried!! For the first few minutes, the little one had mixed emotions. She would stare in awe of the characters and then quickly scrunch up her face and let out a little whinge before turning her frown into a smile. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Very cute (and funny) to watch.

                                                     Mickey giving us a wave!!

The first half lasted 45 minutes and I am pleased to report that my little angel sat (sitting is something she never normally does as she normally spends any time on my knee trying to pull herself up into a standing position) on my knee in silence for the entire 45 minutes. She was as good as gold and she loved every minute of it! Especially Mickey and Minnie.

                                                              The Grand Finale

When the interval came I gave her a bottle, she spewed all over my new Zara coral maxi skirt (major fail) settled back down on my knee again for the beginning of the second half and then fell asleep after around ten minutes.

I was so surprised that she took it all in as well as she did but think had we had different seats she probably would have got fed up and I would have to try to entertain her by other means.

After the show we had a little walk in the sunshine then sat down in a nearby park and had an ice cream. Before the show we also had a lovely meal at an Italian down the way. I even managed to feed Isla her lunch before my own was brought out (btw this NEVER happens; food is usually brought out whilst I am feeding her) and I was able to enjoy it in peace. When we got home we had a lovely takeaway to round it all off.

All in all; the perfect family day out. Hope BF pulls something similar out of the hat again soon!!

Dollydaydream xoxo

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Sometimes, we take the most important things in life for granted....

....and then we may happen upon something like this- and suddenly you realise how precious those important little things really are.

Whilst attempting to better my blogging skills today and reading some blogs and those bloggers tweets, I came upon a retweet for the blog above.

Erin's Gift. Try as I might, I just cannot put into words how this blog made me feel.

I thought I was emotional whilst I was pregnant. I thought I was even more emotional during labour. Birth and then suddenly having this newborn in my life? I was inconsolable.

Then I read Erin's Gift's Blog and it opened up a whole truck load of new emotions inside of me I never realised I had.

Erin, a beautiful baby girl who passed away at just 22 days old had Turner's Syndrome and a defect on her heart was found. She battled for her life and underwent heart surgery but sadly, did not survive from the complications of the surgery.

'Erin's Gift' was set up by Erin's mummy and daddy in her memory to raise funds for some of the amazing organisations and charities that have helped and supported them throughout their journey. Erin's mummy blogs to help deal with her grief and to help raise awareness of the charity.

I can't really find the words inside me to say everything I want to about this amazing woman and her baby daughter.

I cherish my daughter deeply. I constantly kiss and cuddle her, squeeze her because she's just so bloody gorgeous that I can't contain myself and tell her I love her; even though she hasn't a clue what I'm saying and just smiles back at me with those big red inflamed gums of hers; happy that I'm just talking to her in general. Changing her nappy should take seconds but has been known to take up to half an hour as I tickle her feet, kiss them, make her giggle and just look at this precious gift that I produce.

I felt that I had a really bad time at the beginning of my daughter's life; adjusting to all of the hormones that are brought along by the life changing experience of being a new mum and dealing with a baby that never stopped crying because of a gastric problem I never knew about at the time. The only thing I knew, was that I was her mother and I couldn't comfort her and stop her from crying and that really bothered me because I felt that I was the one person that should have been able to. Only my own mother was better at than I was.

Doctors, Paediatricians, books, websites, they all told me 'once she starts weaning and gets to around six months she'll start getting better'. Has she? Yes she has. Am I relieved? Yes of course I am. But when she was four weeks old, six months felt like a lifetime and I couldn't help but wish that time away. Anytime she would writhe around in pain with the acid shooting up from her stomach, scream whilst passing wind or have one of her crying bouts I'd try to get through it, comforting her as much as I could and comforting myself by just thinking 'six months, six months, six month'.

In six days time, she will be officially six months old. After reading another mums story and realising that she enjoyed her only time with her daughter over the course of just 22 days, realising that the 22 days of Erin's life that she spent with her mother I probably spent feeling sorry for myself, trying to get help for my daughter and wishing the time away; I have regrets.

You only get one chance at sharing each moment of your daughters life with her; because each moment lasts once only and then is gone forever; with only photographs, videos or fond memories being able to take you back to that moment. But they only take you there in your head.

From this moment on, I know I will enjoy every single second of Isla's life with her. When she is throwing a tantrum and I am attempting to calm her, I won't sigh and get impatient or stressed out; I'll smile to myself and know this is my strong headed (and legged!) independent 6 month old daughters only way of expressing herself because she wants to walk but she can't. I may even video it, knowing that one day; I'll probably sit down with her when she's older and we will be able to watch it together and we'll probably laugh.

But most important of all, I'll just be grateful that I have her, tantrum or no trantrum, every single day of my life. I'll be happy that on that cold January day in 2011 when I unexpectedly did four pregnancy tests; they all turned out to be positive and that at 7.02am on a strangely beautiful sunshiny day in September 2011, I was given the most amazing gift on earth; life.

I have decided that on the next sunny day that we have, my baby girl and I are going to go on a drive. We're going to go somewhere we've never been to before. Nowhere in particular. When we come across a really pretty park or quiet peaceful place, were going to get out and walk and find a spot. We're going to plant a daffodil in memory of baby Erin and we're going to plant another for her mummy and daddy. Then I'll take our picture in the spot we choose. When she's old enough and has a child of her own, I'll share the photograph and story with her.

A mothers love for her child, there is no force within the universe that compares to it.

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Groundhog Day 2....also known as Tuesday.

And so another day alarm goes off every single morning at 5.50am. It's like clockwork; only it's not. It's my darling daughter singing away to herself in her cot. BF has nicknamed her Beyonce. As usual, we come down, she goes into her pram whilst I make her bottle, I change her nappy, feed her and then she goes into her pram and mickey mouse goes on. When she starts to get fed up, she goes into her walker until she's tired and then she'll have her morning nap. And our morning goes exactly like this every single day.

I'm a Gemini. I like change. I don't like routine. Of course as a mum, I have no choice, I have to!! I can't really complain though, for routine got me a baby that sleeps right through from 6.30pm. Now one thing I HATE is a mum that brags about their kid/baby to make other mums feel bad about the job they're doing in order to make themselves feel good. It's no competition. We all have different ideas about parenting. I feel victorious about the things I have accomplished with my child but I don't want to brag about them! I want to share my experiences to help others. I don't know how I'd cope if I was still doing night feeds. Well I do know actually, I'd be getting wheeled off by a couple of nurses in a straight jacket to the nearest mental hospital. I need my sleep!! So if anyone is having to deal with that, then I like to share my experiences if my advice will help them out. One thing I don't do, is give advice unless it is asked for. How annoying is that?!

Dealing with a baby with acid reflux has been hard work. Constant tears for both me and her, anxiety, sleep deprivation, shouting. Yes, I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I know so many of us are; I shouted at my 2 week old baby to shut up. It was quite loud and I also swore. It was 2am and she had screamed without stopping for a breathe since 8pm. Of course, after I'd done it, I was even more of a mess. I felt so guilty. I hated myself. For gods sake, she was a 2 week old tiny baby; she didn't know what I was saying, nor did she have any other way of communicating. I regret doing that a lot. I was probably suffering with the baby blues and that coupled with around 20 hours sleep over 14 days does not bode well.

My mum told me about a time when she smacked me across the legs when I was 18 months old. As women go, my mum is pretty emotionless. But boy did she cry when she was telling me. 25 years later and that guilt still ate away at her. She also told me about her friend (who btw is one of those really nice people, so nice you think they must be hiding some big dirty dark secret; only they're not) who also shouted at her little girl when she was a baby. We should not under any circumstances under estimate the power of a new mums emotions coupled with sleep deprivation. I've heard sleep deprivation can be a Defence to murder. Having study law, I guess I should know that. Only, I don't, because my baby brain won't allow me to remember anything I learnt within those five years. I'm hoping it will do soon though.

I get a lot of help from my mum. She tells me that she doesn't want me to look back at the first year of Isla's life and see it as a time when I was really stressed out and unhappy because I'll only regret it; like she did. So far, apart from those initial weeks when we didn't have the right medication for her reflux, I have enjoyed my time with Isla. We are currently staying with mum because we haven't found a house yet. Six months of us all living under one very tiny roof (the BF is here the majority of the time too) and we are all ready to kill one another. More on that later though.

Back to Groundhog Day number 2. Tuesday. Another boring day of maternity leave. As much as I love spending time with my little girl, I hate being holed up in this place. We live pretty much out in the sticks so there is not a lot to do unless you jump into the car and going out means spending money, something which I do not have an awful lot of at the moment, it all being saved for this house we are hoping to get.

There is something special about this week though. On Saturday night I have a big night out planned with the girls. My first one in about 15 months. We plan to go out early, drink lots of cocktails and shots and dance the legs off ourselves until the early hours of the morning. Of course with this night out, comes a lot of required preparation; starting with an outfit. The famous body con dresses I once rocked are nooooo more. A stone of baby weight still hanging around my middle will simply not allow for it, but I still need to look as fabulous as possible. The quest begins. What can one possibly wear?

Answers on a postcard....

Dolly Daydream xoxo

Monday, 19 March 2012

My first life can change in the blink of an eye!

Ok, so here goes, my first blog.....ever. I set this blog account up a couple of years ago when I was super slim, super social and super successful. That is, super successful at being me. Well; in my own eyes I was anyway.

It was a time when I was really happy within myself, no boyfriend to contend with, great job I was enjoying (with another job on the side just for the social aspect), I was nearing the end of my 5 year part-time law degree, a social life to be envious of and I was at a weight with which I was happy; I could swan into topshop and select any dress I desired, size 10, any fit; although my fit of choice was mainly bodycon, baby; and boy did I rock that look...over and over and over....and over again. Now, I just stare enviously at young girls in Topshop choosing tight little mini's, hiding behind the rack which holds the floaty baby doll numbers that can cover a multitude of sins; the darker the colour the better as I tell myself it will help me fade into the background.

I'd spend my weekends partying with the gals; disco dancing til 6am, festivals, gigs and when I wasn't doing that I'd be either jogging through the woods with my little white dog in tow, following the WW diet flawlessly or preening my body to within an inch of its life; I had an ever glowing skin colour (false, of course; never one for a sunbed, me), a constant bouncy, shiny, curly blow dry and brows to die for (they were constantly under close supervision).

I read the book 'The Secret' like it was my bible and I had a gratitude list for things that I wanted to accomplish that year with things on it such as 'I will be able to speak fluent French within 6 months time' along with plenty of other life long personal goals such as; travel the world before I'm 30, be engaged at 30, be married at 32, have children at 35. Of course, life never works out the way plan it.

I have so far, accomplished a few of the things on that list, one of them was graduating with a law degree and the other? This blog. I've always loved reading (hate fiction books, though), I've loved writing since I was a child (friends and family members say I am brilliant at it, actual writers and critics would say terrible!) and most of all I love talking. Talking, talking, talking all day long. One day during the existence of my super successful self I thought, 'maybe I'll start a blog!', and so I did.

The only problem there was, what did I actually have to talk about worth reading? Nothing really. I love fashion, but I wouldn't say I was fashion savvy enough to be a fashion blogger, nor do I have the time or patience to scrawl the internet each and everyday all day long looking at new trend reports and keeping abreast of every new item to be listed on net-a-porter as and when it becomes available. And who'd want to blog about law?? So as quick as I set the blog account up, I logged out again and never gave it a second thought!

Fast forward to me now, March 2012 and I finally feel as though I have something to talk about; issues worth discussing and experiences worth sharing. I've had a baby. An unplanned one most definitely, but the happiest accident of my entire life; I must say.

You know those mums that have a spotlessly clean house and hair preened to perfection with 7 kids in tow who claim to be perfectly happy? They're not. And when they answer "it's great, I absolutely love every minute of it" in response to the question "how are you finding motherhood and looking after a newborn?"...They're lying. And it really is as simple as that. My response to that question would be a blatantly truthful; "it's effing hard work. Imagine it being hard work and then multiply that by 1000". Quite frankly, I could be that mum, with the spotless house and the fab hair and on some days, I am. But when I am, I don't leave the house to go anywhere or have time to play with my bubba because I don't have time!! So it only happens on very rare occasions. I imagine I'll get better at it as time goes on, though.

The reason for me keeping anonymous?? Well, I intend to use this blog as my outlet for expressing all of daily thoughts and I am positive the boyf (hereinafter referred to as 'BF') would be pretty upset and angry at me if he realised I was sharing every issue of our relationship and lives in general with the entire world. Plus, I couldn't exactly moan about my mother (or his) if they both were subscribers now, could I? So sadly, I won't be uploading regular pics of Isla and I at playgroup or wherever the dull weekdays happen to take us (I like to refer to them as 'The Groundhog Days') for risk of blowing my cover. Or believe me, I would do. My child is one of the most beautiful in the entire world. Biased? Yeah probably.

So until next time bloggers.......bon nuit.

Dolly Daydream xoxo