Thursday, 19 April 2012

Hi Ho Hi's back to work I go...

The time has come when I must think about the big return to work since leaving the office back in August 2011, in preparation for that big moment when my life would change forever; and I would never look back.

I went into the office last week to meet with my HR Manager and Head of Operations to discuss the options available to me regarding returning to work. I was provided with the 'Maternity Policy', 'Flexible Working Policy' and the 'Keeping in Touch with Work Days Policy'. A lot of reading, then.

I only started with my current (Law) Firm early 2011 and unfortunately I'd only been working there a few days when I discovered I was pregnant. Had I have found out a few weeks earlier then I'd have been still under the employ of my old Firm and therefore entitled to 'Enhanced Maternity Pay', given that I'd been there over five years. But I wasn't. So I wasn't entitled to any maternity pay. Bugger.

As I'm receiving Maternity Allowance from the government, this runs out on 1st June 2011 and I therefore need to consider going back to work by then. We discussed the options of me working part-time; four days per week. We also discussed me doing flexible hours to fit in with my childcare needs. I'm not exactly sure what will happen yet. My mum will have my bubs on a Wednesday, my Aunt one other day, she'll go to Nursery another and possibly MIL will have her one day too. Hopefully I'll get at least one day per week that I'll get to be off work and spend some quality time with my scrummy girl. This all needs some serious planning and discussing. My hours will also depend on times I will have to drop her off, collect her etc from family and possibly nursery.

I'd had my return to work planned out in my head beautifully. We'd be staying with mum for a few months rather than weeks (we had the option of staying in the BF's parents city apartment overlooking the river, but I politely declined, favouring being cramped into a small bedroom back home where I had a network of family and other friends on maternity leave around me) and then as it was leading up to Christmas, present buying would keep me busy (as well as this newborn baby I had too, obvs) and we would be quite happy there until around mid January when we would start getting fed up and be ready to move into a house of our own. We would then spend a couple of months doing it up and then I would enjoy the last month or two of my maternity leave in my new house exploring our new area, just me and my little sidekick, before I'd have to go back to reality.

Well the beginning part went to plan, only when Christmas came and went, we seen a house we instantly loved, agreed an offer on it and it was accepted. The Vendor however seemed dodgy and things didn't seem quite right. We ended up pulling out of the sale. We continued on our search for our first family home and found another lovely little place. Again, offer accepted, a week later, husband of Vendor decides he longer wants to sell, after the place being on the market for three years. Pah. At the end of February we found our little palace to be....which you will be able to read more about here. The sale is still going through and once we get the keys the house needs ripping to pieces.

You don't have to be no genius to work out that by the 1st June (approximately six weeks time) I will definitely not have been in my lovely home which has been completely renovated to my taste for a month or two. In fact, the reality of it is, we may not even have the keys, or we will be in the process of knocking walls down. Not good.

I am quite lucky in the sense that I had already worked with my current Head of Operations in a previous job, so she knows me well. As I mentioned before, as soon as I started my new role I fell immediately pregnant. Although this was a happy time for me, it was very hard too. I was looking forward to starting a fresh new page in my career book. I was hoping to work hard, stand out, get noticed, be promoted, you know, the usual. However, this was all, shot to shit, basically, when I was struck down with the awful Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe vomiting) and was hospitalised a good few times; resulting in a lot of time off work. Then once I was past the first 18 weeks and waved HG a happy goodbye, I had about 4 weeks of normal pregnancy before I started having heart problems and became anaemic where I was constantly on 24 hour heart monitors and having scans and the likes. Resulting in more time off work and my caseload being taken off me to reduce the stress. More time off work also ensued. Not ideal. At all.

When I do return to work there is naturally going to be a huge pressure on me to show my Employers exactly what I can do, when I am actually in work! So the last thing I'm going to need is having builders, plasterers, plumbers etc calling me up and presenting me with problems (which is all expected with this shithole, ahem, house). But what do we women do about that? We get on with it. Because there is nothing else we can do!!

 Maybe there will be a period of time where I am  going to be running around like a headless chicken each morning and being constantly harassed throughout the day. But it won't last forever, I'm sure I'll handle it.

Then there is the other side of returning to work; leaving my precious little princess each day with someone else than me. But of course that is a whole other post.

I have no idea how things are going to pan out as yet, but one thing is for certain, things will work themselves out, they always do.

Monday, 16 April 2012

The battles we have with our weight.....the first (and last?) day of my diet begins...
So today friends, as some of you may know from my Twitter account...I have started the Slimming World diet.

During my adult life I haven't really tried out too many different types of diets as I've never really needed to. Smug bitch; you might say. But no, I've never been a super toned skinny usual weight is around nine and a half stone. If I'm dieting, I can get down to around nine stone and I look SKINNY then. This is an extreme rarity (is that how you spell it??!), though.

The last time I was this weight was 2 years ago to the month. BF was travelling in Australia. We had dated for around three months before he pissed off (I always knew he was going) and we agreed we would speak every now and again, probably just through Facebook, as friends. If both of us happened to be single when he came back (if he ever did) then we would give it a go. We ended up kind of falling for each other just before he went though, so the friends thing never did really happen; but that's another story!!

When we first started dating I was at my heaviest. Probably just under ten stone. I agree it's not very heavy at all and I'm not saying I was fat; but a stone heavier than my normal happy weight makes a dramatic difference to me at five foot four. At that weight I didn't feel confident or happy in my own skin or clothes for that matter. And I think that's what matters. The figures on the scales or the measuring tape don't matter; it's how you feel inside. I used to think to myself 'I bet he looks at me and thinks; she'd be a keeper if she was a bit slimmer and more confident'. Mad aren't I? I'm sure we've all been there though!!

Anyhoo, whilst he was there, we would speak on and off, I would see girls flirting with him on Facebook, see pictures of his nights out....and as every normal girl does; I got jealous. So I thought, right. I can't carry on like this. I am supposed to be going out and enjoying myself and trying to forget this stupid boy on the other side of the world. I need to get my confidence back and lose weight for me. Obviously on the sly I wanted to lose weight, look amazing, splash my new model-esque pictures all over Facebook and then he'd probably be on the next plane at Sydney Airport.
I joined Weight Watchers and was ready for action. I'd done this on other occasions over the years and found it to be really effective. The diet was so easy as you could literally eat whatever you wanted. You had to count points for each food and you were allocated so many points per day. My daily allowance was 18 points. I never ever stuck to that. I ever weighed anything. I just kind of stuck to around that . And the weight just dropped off. The first week I lost around 5lb and that just gave me the boost I needed to carry on. I would still go out drinking of a weekend, I would still have my stodgy fast food hangover food. It was amazing. I started running of an evening and weekend. I felt so good. Soon enough and I got down to nine stone three (ish) and I felt amazing. My face looked different, my hair felt different (it probably wasn't) and I could swan into any shop and choose any item of clothing I fancied. No more floaty smock tops and leggings for me! I went out on a few nights out, got a load of pictures taken and got them up on Facebook.

Hey Presto. The boy was bowled over. At the time we weren't speaking (there were plenty of fall outs) so I sneakily changed my profile picture ( I knew he'd look) and left the album of new pictures to public. He was like putty in my hands. Mwahahahahaha. Three months later and he cut his trip short by four months. His plan was to stay for at least a year to see out his Visa.

Six months later. BAM. Pregnant. Nine months after that? Four and a half stone of weight gain. Oh yes my friends. FOUR AND A HALF STONE. Thirteen and a half stone I weighed at term. Two of the buggers feel straight off me (probably water) upon giving birth; which took me down to eleven and a half. The next half a stone started to come off gradually. I was then at eleven stone and ready to get my body back.

I re-joined Weight Watchers and for the first time in my life stuck to it flawlessly. I even joined a programme called 'Bikini Body Bootcamp' and went there three times in my first week. I skipped excitedly into my first weigh in waiting to hear..' Oh my GOD! You've lost three stone!! I've never ever seen that happen before!! You are AMAZING at dieting!!'. Well ok, I was maybe hoping for...' well done Dolly, you've lost five pounds in your first week just like you did last time'.

One and a half pound I'd lost. I couldn't believe it. I'd been utterly convinced I'd lose I had a lot more water weight and it'd just drop off. But it never. I wasn't given the boost I needed to carry on and I fell into my old ways again. It was hard to embark on another diet now, cooking proper home cooked hearty meals for the BF made it increasingly difficult to survive on a diet of salad, chicken and brocolli. Staying home all day I'd feast on whatever available and out and about I couldn't stay away from the fast food.

Slowly but surely another half a stone has come off without dieting and in fact, actually eating like a pig. I ended up taking some supposedly herbal slimming tablets a few weeks ago, lost eight pounds in two days, and ended up in A and E due to chest pains, paraeasthesia and palps (yet again another tale) so they got flushed down the toilet and that eight pounds found it's way back to my arse.

Here I am. Roughly ten stone seven (give a take a few pounds- my scales are crap). I'm considering joining the Slimming World group weight in with my friend but see it as a bit of an expense; so I'll see how I go first.

I'm hoping to get down to nine and a half stone again. Not my  favourite weight; but it's a start and hey. I'm a Mother now.

Do any of you have any pregnancy weight slimming tales?? I'd love to hear about them! Why not write a post on your own blog and link back up here! Also anyone with any slimming world tips I'm allll ears.

I'm off to have my Weetabix with skimmed milk and sweetner. I promise to keep you all updated.....laters.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

No rocker or stroller.....just rock and roll, baby!

I haven't written a blog post for a good while now. I do realise I need to keep up and create posts more regularly but upon entering this new world I have stumbled upon (and been welcomed to with open arms by many yummy mummies) I have found that I am just not so great with computers. At all. So I've been spending the majority of my time trying to learn new things, keep in touch with my new 'pals' and keep up to date with the blogs I follow.

However, Easter weekend I probably done none of the above. Why I hear you ask? Because, my friends; I went PARTYING. TWICE. IN ONE WEEKEND/MONTH/YEAR.

This never ever happens to me and in fact this was my first time out with all my little lovely lady friends since November 2010. Yup. Almost 18 months. Rewind 2 years and I was up there with the best of them; out every weekend at the coolest places to be with the coolest people to know drinking the coolest drinks there are.  I was also at the worst places to be, drinking the worst drinks known to man; but the company was always fabulous. I was just anywhere!!

Thursday night and myself along with eight of my favourite friends headed out to a Travelodge hotel in the city to commence our night. This was booked on the back of a sale and cost us a fiver each; which was far cheaper than taxi's home; hence the reason for booking.

We stopped off at Boots in a local retail park whilst I ran in for some falsies (eyelashes). I always use Eyelure Naturalites in number 107.

Eyelure Naturalites Eyelashes no 10

 For someone with quite small eyes, they really open up your eyes and give them a great shape. I can't go out without them on a night out and unleash my little stumps; I hate them. They cost about £5.30 (ish) but can be worn again and again and are really easy to stick to your own eyelids. I have so far been unable to successfully stick an eyelash to my eyelid properly without an eye full of glue with any other brand. These bad boys are the bomb; let me tell ya!!

After there we continued on to our destination. We were around two minutes away from our destination when I spotted flashing blue lights in my rear view. Bugger. Three points and a sixty quid fine later (i was doing just short of 50 in a 30 zone; I thought it was a 40 and didn't realise I was going so fast due to the level of excited girly gossip going on in my car- don't judge) and we arrived. Drinks were flowing and we all started getting ready with the music on having a dance around and generally just being girls.

Even though I was there with my nearest and dearest; I couldn't help feeling very out of place and uneasy. I know they know I've just had a baby; yet for some reason I felt the need to keep mentioning it when I was dressed. Why? I guess I just wanted to be the old me again; just for the night and guess what? I wasn't. I came to the conclusion that I will never be the old me again; because the new me is here. The new me who still has a stone of baby weight to shift, the new me who feels insecure and is lacking in confidence since becoming a mum and the new me who just isn't a crazy party girl anymore.

The girls of course tried to make me feel better by telling me I looked amazing; especially for just having had a baby...but of course that didn't work, I still didn't feel good. We went out into the cold air night (me with a leather jacket glued to my back as I wanted to be as covered as possible!) and headed for our nearest favourite bar in the city.

The cocktails, champagne and vodka soon started flowing and before long we moved on to a cool new bar opening (which was not very cool at all) before finishing the night in our favourite club which we frequented week in week out for many years.

As soon as I walked in; I was shocked. I am only 26 and guess what? I felt OLD. Every person walking around in there was around the age of 18 and I even found myself trying to mother a couple of young boys (around 16 years old) at the bar. I was standing for an age trying to get served they offered to get me a drink to which I responded something along the lines of...'Pah! Don't be so ridiculous, I am old enough to be your mother, I've been coming here since you were in nappies, I will buy you children a drink if anything, I'm a mother now don't you know....' Embarrassing much!!

Even though the place was full of really young people, all the girls being together we still had a ball. We danced in to the wee hours of the morning before heading back to the hotel in a taxi (via Mcdonalds) and all crashed into bed. The next morning we chatted excitedly about the nights events before all heading home again in a convoy of cars.

It felt so good to be me again (the new me, granted, not the old me; I think she's gone forever) and not to be just 'mummy'; but I realised I had had my fill for a long time and wasn't desperate to get back out again quite so soon. I was desperate to get back to my little girl though and see her big  happy gummy smile. There's nothing quite like the feeling of having big cuddles with your little person knowing they are happy to see you.

Friday, 6 April 2012

Dolly daydreams of....a gorgeous little love nest filled with all things sparkly..x

In around 4 weeks times (hopefully!) BF and I should be the proud owners of our first little house together.

A home however; it is not. The place is at the moment, in a word; disgusting. As soon as we get the keys we are going to have to literally rip out the kitchen (if that's what the current owner wants to call it then so be it), the bathroom (which is not fit for even a rat to wash in) knock walls through, pull hideous polystyrene tiles from the ceilings and the list just goes on and on and on.

However. As much as I wish we were buying something that was at least liveable; I am very excited because it means we get to do everything from scratch exactly to our taste!!

So lovelies....I have decided to blog about my quest for the perfect sofa and the most stylish bed linen.

Stay tuned

Dollydaydream xoxo

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Mums 101...a MEME

God I'm loving the meme's lately aren't I?!

I was tagged in this meme by the fabulous fellow newbie blogger CJ over at A Mummys View . CJ is lovely lady that has taken time out to give me a few tips about blogging and I am very grateful!

To get involved all you have to do is write your own Mums 101 post, list your top three gripes/bugbears relating to motherhood, tag some other blogger and link up over on Emily's page at Never Bored of Bubbles

I have read a few of the other posts done so far and have to say my biggest bug bears have probably been done, for example, the competitive mum and childcare issuesthe phrase 'slept like a baby' and the social shift . So here are mine, two of them don't really relate to motherhood but they are my biggest bugbears!!

1. When OH's think they are giving you some 'you' time by entertaining the baby whilst you do chores....Right. So, I look after the baby all day every day, as is my duty. I'm on maternity leave. I getup with her through the night if need be. I see to her most weekends. I also look after her when you work of a weekend, go for a game of golf or go to the pub to watch the football.  When you entertain her whilst I am trying to get washing/cleaning/cooking done this is NOT you giving me some time off. This is you doing one job whilst I am doing another. I do not enjoy chores. I do not look forward to you looking after the baby so I can get right into my housework. If I moan about you going to golf for the umpteenth time this month, do NOT respond "what's the problem? I watched the baby this morning whilst you done your kitchen and windows." It is not MY kitchen. Its is ours and it is a chore not a pleasure.

2. Fast food cup holders....they are absolutely POINTLESS. Even more pointless when they give you one  drink in the holder. Why? I hate them. I burn up inside when I approach the last window at the McDonalds drive thru anticipating the cup holder being handed over to me. I always give it back. Like the  sales assistant is even one tiny bit arsed.

3. When cashiers give you your receipt folded up with notes....annoying! Your at the checkout of a busy shop. You have an arm full and a pram full of shopping and have no spare hands.  instead of handing you your receipt separately or putting it into one of your bags; the cashier puts it into your hand in between a five pound and a ten pound note and a hand full of coins. You can't just cack-handedly throw the money in your purse, you then have to walk over to the side of the store (as the cashier is already rushing you away from their till by beginning another sale) put all of your shopping down to free up your hands, separate your receipt from money and put it in a separate part of your bag. I realise I am a freak and I am totally on my own with this one.

Enjoy having a good rant; I certainly did!! 


How and when do you find the time to.....MEME

Hello you little bunch of lovelies.

I have decided to created my own meme as I am desperately trying to juggle my life at the moment and reading all of the fabulous blogs out there it appears to me that a lot of you are just naturals at living life day to day; flawlessly. You have babies to look after, blogs to nuture, husbands to entertain, houses to maintain, jobs to go to and all that I am thinking in my tiny little baby brain zapped mind is....HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?!?

So now...I am asking you to actually tell me how you juggle your life and find the right balance. I am currently staying with my mum and getting help and still not coping so I am DREADING moving into my own home and going back to work and things getting even worse!

Please post the rules.
When answering the questions, please give as much detail as possible!
Leave a comment on Sex, Drugs, Rocker and...Stroller, baby. so we can keep track of the meme and I can totally steal your routine tips to make my world a happier place. 

Also if you want (and I'd really like you to!) add a little paragraph at the bottom to give a general summing up about your weekly routine!
Tag 3 or more people and link to them on your blog.

Tweet tweet tweet #howdoyoufindthetimetomeme

AND even if none of you fancy filling it in don't worry; I've enjoyed writing mine anyhoo :-)
Here are the questions...

How and when do you find the time to... your laundry?

I have tried to get into the routine of grabbing clothes of a morning just after my LO's first feed (usually around 6.30-7am) and put it on. Somedays I do. Most days I don't. I tend to leave it to build up and then spend an entire groundhog day frantically working my way through 7 loads of washing. Even then I am known to leave washing in the machine, forget about it, it stinks, I have to wash it again. I also have a bad habit of hanging out washing and leaving it there. I desperately need to buck up my ideas. I know!

....write a blog post?

Well as a brand new blogger, I haven't written many. I have just been spending time tweeting and reading other blogs and I definitely need to put aside some assigned time to do all of this as at the moment I am doing it throughout the day when my baby is sleeping and when she is pre occupied whizzing around in her wheelie walker chasing the dog. I also do it in bed of a night when the BF is watching the footy. I feel though that I should be utilising this time to keep up with my chores so that they don't get on top of me or maybe doing other boring tasks I have to do like sorting out old clothes for the charity shop, sorting through bills and filing them etc!

....look after yourself...i.e. wash your hair, paint your nails, take a bubble bath etc?

I rarely do these days! I try to grab a shower of a morning whilst LO is occupied or sleeping. It's literally a 3 minute get wet, wash armpits with soap, clean body, get out. Get dressed. I no longer have time for outfit planning and trying different things. I throw on a (mostly un-ironed) tshirt and pair of leggings, team that with a blazer a big scarf and a pair of flat brogues and that's about as far as it goes for me. I cover my entire head with dry shampoo (have been known to go without washing for up to two weeks) tie it up in a knot and go. If i'm feeling super grim or going somewhere nice (hardly ever!) I'll throw on a bit of makeup in the car when I arrive at my destination. Sometimes; I don't get a chance to shower, it's a baby wipe and a bit of Sure. If I do wash and blow my hair, it's once a week of an evening. It bores me greatly.

....spend time with your other half?

Well at the moment, BF and I are staying at my mums house with the bubs. Three of us crammed into one room with all of our stuff. Mums house isn't big by any stretch of the imagination! We mainly sit in our bedroom of an evening, baby asleep in the cot, TV on low whispering to one another. Usually; the footy or the Xbox is on and I am surfing the net. We make sure we have at least one family day of a weekend where we go out for the day; wherever that may be. To his mums and out for lunch, shopping or maybe a nice walk. My mum is really, really good with us. As LO is in bed by 7pm latest, whenever we want we pop out for dinner or shopping and whenever we fancy a night out we always have a babysitter. We hardly do this though due lack of funds to due buying a new home! fun stuff with your LO?

As aforementioned, we have at least one family day each weekend. I also try to get out of the house most days as if i didn't, I'd probably commit. I try to have at least one day each week in the house. My grandma comes over and watches the baby whilst I put clean washing away, change my bed, hoover and tidy around. The rest of the days I try to do a few bits in the morning; put a wash on, wash and sterilise bottles etc and then get both of us ready and head out somewhere for the day. Usually visiting relatives, going to the park, spending time with our other mummy and baby friends, playgroup, shopping, anywhere.

....spend time with family?

As mentioned above, i try to get out with my LO a lot each weekday. Sometimes we visit family members that don't work 9-5pm jobs like my grandma, BF's mum both of our aunties. I see my mum every night and weekend as I live with her and we see the BF's parents and siblings either on saturday or sunday when we visit. Each saturday morning my family members tend to visit us at home before we head off anywhere.

....socialise with friends?

I hardly do these days. Sadly. Supose this is just what happens when you grow up, have a family and take on a sh*tload of responsibility! I try to just grab the opportunity whenever I can. Get them to pop over during lunchtime, I'll pop over there if BF is playing golf or at work at weekends etc. 

....prepare an evening meal juggling a baby/toddler bedtime routine?

Luckily as I've said, I live with my mum at the moment. I try to get home from a day out at around 4pm so I can have a quick whizz round the house clearing toys, throwing strewn baby wipes in the bin etc. Then hopefully my little doll will settle in her bouncer and I can prepare some dinner for her dad getting home at 5pm. I'll then feed LO her dinner before her bath at 6pm and bottle straight after. BF usually baths her whilst I do the dishes or viceversa. If he is home late, he and I will eat dinner whilst my mum feeds the baby. We all just muck in! DREADING being on my own!

....deep clean your house?

I don't. It seems our house is constantly a mess! It is so tiny and with four of us crammed in plus the dog it is such a nightmare. My lovely mum spends a lot of her weekend mopping hoovering dusting etc whilst we are out. When I move house I imagine the BF will have to take the LO to see his mum or something on a saturday morning so that I can get it all done! the food shopping?

Sometimes whilst bubba is sleeping and my mum is home, the BF and I nip to our local Asda in the evening after dinner. Ideally I should do it online. But I don't. I am lazy.

....bulk ironing?

Again- I don't! BF comes from a world where he puts his clothes in the 'magic basket' the night before and the next day after work they are hanging clean and ironed in his wardrobe. Not in this house though, mate. His mum was lucky enough to be a housewife with no young children and so fortunately had the time for that type of stuff. I don't and quite frankly; it bores me to tears. I just quickly whip the iron out and iron as I wear. Rather spend five minutes each day ironing than devoting an entire sunday evening to it.

So, that's me in a nutshell!

I now tag....

Enjoy ladies :-) 


Saturday, 31 March 2012

A mothers work..... MEME

I've been tagged by the lovely MishMashMummy in this Meme! Love this Meme as I enjoy reading about what everyone was up to before their lives changed forever!!

Please post the rules.
Answer the questions in as much or as little detail as suits you.
Leave a comment on so we can keep track of the meme.
Tag 3 people and link to them on your blog.
Let them know you tagged them.
Tweet loudly about taking part #amothersworkmeme.
1.  Did you work before becoming a mum?
Yes, and I still do. I'm just on maternity leave at the moment. I work for a major Law Firm in the North West as a Paralegal/Legal Excutive. Basically, for those that don't know what one of those is, I do exactly the same job as a Solicitor only I don't earn as much money as I have one more year long course to do in order to gain the job title (and the extra $$$$!!). I done my degree part time over five years with a full time and a part time job.
2.  What is your current situation?
I found out I was pregnant just after leaving my old Firm (where I was for five years) and joining another one. Damnit! Therefore I was not entitled to Maternity pay and whereas if I'd have stayed where I was I would of gotten full pay for six months and half pay for a further three. Boohoo. I've been on Maternity leave since 1st September of last year and it's not been decided when I will return to work as of yet. At present, we are staying with my mother (the BF, the LO and I) and are in the process of buying our first home together; which by the way needs completely gutting. Not a thing can be salvaged as it's in that much of a state! Anyhoo. I'm in turmoil at the moment over going back to work; whilst I want an element of normality back in my life I don't want to go back full time and miss out on watching my daughter grow up. Hopefully I'll be able to find a happy medium as nursery fees by us are almost the same amount as my pay!! Ridiculous!
3.  Freestyle – got your own point you’d like to get across on this issue? Here’s your chance… 

I'm with MishMashMum on this one!! Childcare in the country sucks. It's too bloody expensive. How the hell do the government work things out? I don't get it!! Maternity leave is for no longer than twelve months; yet free childcare doesn't start until the child is three years old. What exactly are we to do with our children for those two years, then?

Im not looking forward to my little girl starting school because  she's going to have to go to a breakfast and after school club. I won't get to drop her off and pick her up; my hours simply won't allow for it!

Ok so I tag....

From Slummy to Yummy Mummy

The Crumby Mummy

What a Difference a Day Makes



Friday, 30 March 2012

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Thursday, 29 March 2012

A baby free day is NEVER a mummy's day off.....or is it?

So today BF has taken the little one to his mothers. We have a bathroom suite being delivered there today (for a house that we don't actually have) and he has gone along to supervise. This was originally my job as he was supposed to be in work today, but when his friend that gives him a lift to work (whilst he is car-less until Friday) texted him to say he wasn't going into work and there would be no other way for him to get there, I saw my chance and grabbed it with two hands.

"Errrrr, you might aswell just go to your mums with Isla on your own today then hey? I can stay here and do some cleaning and put all the clean clothes away." He didn't look best pleased but reluctantly agreed. So off they went at 8am with car packing a pram, a highchair, a door bouncer and several other sources of entertainment.

I went into the kitchen and pretended to busy myself for five minutes whilst I was still in full view of the car backing out and as soon as they were out of the road, I was upstairs and in bed.

Why did you do that? You may ask. Well, because I'm a naughty mummy. We went along to my friends house just around the corner last night after child was in bed. BF wanted his hair trimming and my friend happily obliged. As we were in the kitchen chatting away, snippets of curly hair flying everywhere there came a knock at the door. I answered and stood behind it was our friend who now lives in Marbella who had come home for a little visit; complete with a new set of boobs.

OBVIOUSLY I had to to have a glass of wine; BF declined the offer of a Magners and started looking shifty once he had his new hair style. He said he'd go back home whilst I stayed for a while as he didn't want to be caught up in the thick of the girl chat.

That little glass of wine? Turned into two bottles and coming home and sneaking into bed at 12.30am. On a school night??!! Your terrible Muriel!! Well I had to!! Hadn't seen the girl for months and she had a new set of toys that were the main topic of conversation for the night (anything but baby talk for a bit suited me down to the ground).

When Beyonce started singing at 5.45am this morning I sprung out of bed and pretended I was fine. Well, I was really.

"Feel rough do ya?"
"NO!!". Lie.
"I only had two glasses of wine". Lie.

He reads this blog, so now he will know I was lying. I would have told him anyway at the end of the day. *Evil Laugh*

So BF, want to know something else do ya? I have spent the morning doing absolutely sweet FA. Oh actually, I went to KFC earlier and chomped my way through half a kilo of hangover stodge. It's been a glorious morning, a tell thee.

I never ever get time like this though, ever. If BF is watching the baba, I am almost always doing something else for her or for us. If I am watching the baba and BF is off work, then he is doing something he wants to as all of the housework is already done. So why the hell not? I'm obviously going to have to get everything done. Well, nobody else is going to do it are they?

No harm in another little 30 minute snooze before I start though, I'm going to have to! I need energy!


Ten things I tell myself everyday....

Farfromhomemama very nicely tagged me in this meme! So here are my 'Ten things I tell myself everyday...'

1. At some point before my maternity leave comes to an end, I will win the lottery. Then instead of going back to work, I can just swan around in my mansion all day doing general millionaire activities. I probably won't have much time for much else.

2. I can definitely take that chicken out of the freezer later, I don't have to do it right now. And I will definitely remember to do it later and in good time for it to defrost before dinner time. I definitely won't have to take another trip to the supermarket again like I have done everyday this week to buy fresh meat for dinner whilst having a freezer full of food.

3. It's ok that I have paid up front for eight weeks of bootcamp, three sessions a week; I don't particularly have to go tonight. I will be fine just to get into bed after my daughter is asleep and just fester all night long eating, drinking and looking at gorgeous clothes on the internet that would look awful on my shape.

4. I have been to bootcamp tonight. I am definitely ok to have a large Costco chocolate muffin with a cup of tea (they probably only have around 3 calories anyway) and even if I want to have 7 kitkats for my breakfast, again, that will be fine too. The effects of bootcamp will still work.

5. Sitting my daughter in her walker all day in front of Mickey Mouse clubhouse is probably the reason why she is so developed. She will probably be able to count to five by time she is 7 months old. It's even better when I don't get her dressed all day, as dressing her only interrupts her viewing time.

6. Dry shampoo is good for my hair. It makes it look cleaner and shinier than washing it with actual water and regular shampoo. It probably makes it grow faster too.

7. The hairs on my legs are blonde. You can't see them. Therefore there is no need to shave them. What's the point?

8. It's sunny, I want to wear that vest top and those shorts but I am so hideously white I can't bring myself to  expose my body to the general public. I couldn't be bothered last night, but I definitely will have a massive spurt of energy tonight apply false tan. I will then also probably wash, blow dry and curl my hair, pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs and paint my nails. Then I will be able to spend the day tomorrow just acting gorgeous.

9. The washing has been out on the line now for a total of three days and two nights. At some point in the next hour or so, it will bring itself in whilst the iron gets itself out and when I come back from the shops, all of the clothes will be neatly hanging in the wardrobe. Colour coded.

10. I am going to wake up tomorrow and my size 8 pre-pregnancy jeans will fit. I will have had this miraculous never before heard of weight loss and everyone will be dying to know my secret. But the thing is, I won't even know it myself it will just happen.

I can't work out how to tag people at the moment!! Damn. So I'll get back to you on that one once I know how as I'd like to see a few more ladies posts!



Monday, 26 March 2012

A day out at Disney on Ice....

....I will never doubt BF again. Well, that's a lie because I obviously will.

On Sunday we took a trip in to the city centre to watch Disney on Ice: Princesses and Heroes. Me, he and the little one.

BF bought the tickets (front row tickets, to be precise) when I was 9 months pregnant as a surprise for me. When he revealed the surprise to me, a few thoughts crossed my mind. The first one was that the child would be only 6 months old by time the show came around, she wouldn't have a clue what was going on and would probably sleep through the entire thing anyway. The second was that we would probably be sat on the front row with this little baby fast asleep in her pram whilst the eyes of the other more experienced parents burnt tiny little holes into the back of heads, sniggered at us and took pity on the young couple at the front with their new baby who obviously didn't have a clue about Disney on Ice, parenting and just life in general.

Well; I was wrong about the first bit, but probably right about the second; I did catch the glimpse of a few judgemental pairs of eyes but enough about that for now; judgemental parenting is a whole new subject and can be saved for it's very own blog post.

Anyway, back to the first thought. Bloody hell was I wrong! I was rather on edge entering the arena. I suppose I was just stressing that she would kick off as soon as we got sat down and every last person would be watching the inexperienced mum at the front trying desperately to quiet her daughter down without success. I needn't have worried though.

We were late getting in there and so were guided to our seats by an usher with a tiny little torch. The seats were amazing! We were literally sat right on top of the ice rink. Could not have gotten any closer if we tried!! For the first few minutes, the little one had mixed emotions. She would stare in awe of the characters and then quickly scrunch up her face and let out a little whinge before turning her frown into a smile. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Very cute (and funny) to watch.

                                                     Mickey giving us a wave!!

The first half lasted 45 minutes and I am pleased to report that my little angel sat (sitting is something she never normally does as she normally spends any time on my knee trying to pull herself up into a standing position) on my knee in silence for the entire 45 minutes. She was as good as gold and she loved every minute of it! Especially Mickey and Minnie.

                                                              The Grand Finale

When the interval came I gave her a bottle, she spewed all over my new Zara coral maxi skirt (major fail) settled back down on my knee again for the beginning of the second half and then fell asleep after around ten minutes.

I was so surprised that she took it all in as well as she did but think had we had different seats she probably would have got fed up and I would have to try to entertain her by other means.

After the show we had a little walk in the sunshine then sat down in a nearby park and had an ice cream. Before the show we also had a lovely meal at an Italian down the way. I even managed to feed Isla her lunch before my own was brought out (btw this NEVER happens; food is usually brought out whilst I am feeding her) and I was able to enjoy it in peace. When we got home we had a lovely takeaway to round it all off.

All in all; the perfect family day out. Hope BF pulls something similar out of the hat again soon!!

Dollydaydream xoxo

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Sometimes, we take the most important things in life for granted....

....and then we may happen upon something like this- and suddenly you realise how precious those important little things really are.

Whilst attempting to better my blogging skills today and reading some blogs and those bloggers tweets, I came upon a retweet for the blog above.

Erin's Gift. Try as I might, I just cannot put into words how this blog made me feel.

I thought I was emotional whilst I was pregnant. I thought I was even more emotional during labour. Birth and then suddenly having this newborn in my life? I was inconsolable.

Then I read Erin's Gift's Blog and it opened up a whole truck load of new emotions inside of me I never realised I had.

Erin, a beautiful baby girl who passed away at just 22 days old had Turner's Syndrome and a defect on her heart was found. She battled for her life and underwent heart surgery but sadly, did not survive from the complications of the surgery.

'Erin's Gift' was set up by Erin's mummy and daddy in her memory to raise funds for some of the amazing organisations and charities that have helped and supported them throughout their journey. Erin's mummy blogs to help deal with her grief and to help raise awareness of the charity.

I can't really find the words inside me to say everything I want to about this amazing woman and her baby daughter.

I cherish my daughter deeply. I constantly kiss and cuddle her, squeeze her because she's just so bloody gorgeous that I can't contain myself and tell her I love her; even though she hasn't a clue what I'm saying and just smiles back at me with those big red inflamed gums of hers; happy that I'm just talking to her in general. Changing her nappy should take seconds but has been known to take up to half an hour as I tickle her feet, kiss them, make her giggle and just look at this precious gift that I produce.

I felt that I had a really bad time at the beginning of my daughter's life; adjusting to all of the hormones that are brought along by the life changing experience of being a new mum and dealing with a baby that never stopped crying because of a gastric problem I never knew about at the time. The only thing I knew, was that I was her mother and I couldn't comfort her and stop her from crying and that really bothered me because I felt that I was the one person that should have been able to. Only my own mother was better at than I was.

Doctors, Paediatricians, books, websites, they all told me 'once she starts weaning and gets to around six months she'll start getting better'. Has she? Yes she has. Am I relieved? Yes of course I am. But when she was four weeks old, six months felt like a lifetime and I couldn't help but wish that time away. Anytime she would writhe around in pain with the acid shooting up from her stomach, scream whilst passing wind or have one of her crying bouts I'd try to get through it, comforting her as much as I could and comforting myself by just thinking 'six months, six months, six month'.

In six days time, she will be officially six months old. After reading another mums story and realising that she enjoyed her only time with her daughter over the course of just 22 days, realising that the 22 days of Erin's life that she spent with her mother I probably spent feeling sorry for myself, trying to get help for my daughter and wishing the time away; I have regrets.

You only get one chance at sharing each moment of your daughters life with her; because each moment lasts once only and then is gone forever; with only photographs, videos or fond memories being able to take you back to that moment. But they only take you there in your head.

From this moment on, I know I will enjoy every single second of Isla's life with her. When she is throwing a tantrum and I am attempting to calm her, I won't sigh and get impatient or stressed out; I'll smile to myself and know this is my strong headed (and legged!) independent 6 month old daughters only way of expressing herself because she wants to walk but she can't. I may even video it, knowing that one day; I'll probably sit down with her when she's older and we will be able to watch it together and we'll probably laugh.

But most important of all, I'll just be grateful that I have her, tantrum or no trantrum, every single day of my life. I'll be happy that on that cold January day in 2011 when I unexpectedly did four pregnancy tests; they all turned out to be positive and that at 7.02am on a strangely beautiful sunshiny day in September 2011, I was given the most amazing gift on earth; life.

I have decided that on the next sunny day that we have, my baby girl and I are going to go on a drive. We're going to go somewhere we've never been to before. Nowhere in particular. When we come across a really pretty park or quiet peaceful place, were going to get out and walk and find a spot. We're going to plant a daffodil in memory of baby Erin and we're going to plant another for her mummy and daddy. Then I'll take our picture in the spot we choose. When she's old enough and has a child of her own, I'll share the photograph and story with her.

A mothers love for her child, there is no force within the universe that compares to it.

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Groundhog Day 2....also known as Tuesday.

And so another day alarm goes off every single morning at 5.50am. It's like clockwork; only it's not. It's my darling daughter singing away to herself in her cot. BF has nicknamed her Beyonce. As usual, we come down, she goes into her pram whilst I make her bottle, I change her nappy, feed her and then she goes into her pram and mickey mouse goes on. When she starts to get fed up, she goes into her walker until she's tired and then she'll have her morning nap. And our morning goes exactly like this every single day.

I'm a Gemini. I like change. I don't like routine. Of course as a mum, I have no choice, I have to!! I can't really complain though, for routine got me a baby that sleeps right through from 6.30pm. Now one thing I HATE is a mum that brags about their kid/baby to make other mums feel bad about the job they're doing in order to make themselves feel good. It's no competition. We all have different ideas about parenting. I feel victorious about the things I have accomplished with my child but I don't want to brag about them! I want to share my experiences to help others. I don't know how I'd cope if I was still doing night feeds. Well I do know actually, I'd be getting wheeled off by a couple of nurses in a straight jacket to the nearest mental hospital. I need my sleep!! So if anyone is having to deal with that, then I like to share my experiences if my advice will help them out. One thing I don't do, is give advice unless it is asked for. How annoying is that?!

Dealing with a baby with acid reflux has been hard work. Constant tears for both me and her, anxiety, sleep deprivation, shouting. Yes, I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I know so many of us are; I shouted at my 2 week old baby to shut up. It was quite loud and I also swore. It was 2am and she had screamed without stopping for a breathe since 8pm. Of course, after I'd done it, I was even more of a mess. I felt so guilty. I hated myself. For gods sake, she was a 2 week old tiny baby; she didn't know what I was saying, nor did she have any other way of communicating. I regret doing that a lot. I was probably suffering with the baby blues and that coupled with around 20 hours sleep over 14 days does not bode well.

My mum told me about a time when she smacked me across the legs when I was 18 months old. As women go, my mum is pretty emotionless. But boy did she cry when she was telling me. 25 years later and that guilt still ate away at her. She also told me about her friend (who btw is one of those really nice people, so nice you think they must be hiding some big dirty dark secret; only they're not) who also shouted at her little girl when she was a baby. We should not under any circumstances under estimate the power of a new mums emotions coupled with sleep deprivation. I've heard sleep deprivation can be a Defence to murder. Having study law, I guess I should know that. Only, I don't, because my baby brain won't allow me to remember anything I learnt within those five years. I'm hoping it will do soon though.

I get a lot of help from my mum. She tells me that she doesn't want me to look back at the first year of Isla's life and see it as a time when I was really stressed out and unhappy because I'll only regret it; like she did. So far, apart from those initial weeks when we didn't have the right medication for her reflux, I have enjoyed my time with Isla. We are currently staying with mum because we haven't found a house yet. Six months of us all living under one very tiny roof (the BF is here the majority of the time too) and we are all ready to kill one another. More on that later though.

Back to Groundhog Day number 2. Tuesday. Another boring day of maternity leave. As much as I love spending time with my little girl, I hate being holed up in this place. We live pretty much out in the sticks so there is not a lot to do unless you jump into the car and going out means spending money, something which I do not have an awful lot of at the moment, it all being saved for this house we are hoping to get.

There is something special about this week though. On Saturday night I have a big night out planned with the girls. My first one in about 15 months. We plan to go out early, drink lots of cocktails and shots and dance the legs off ourselves until the early hours of the morning. Of course with this night out, comes a lot of required preparation; starting with an outfit. The famous body con dresses I once rocked are nooooo more. A stone of baby weight still hanging around my middle will simply not allow for it, but I still need to look as fabulous as possible. The quest begins. What can one possibly wear?

Answers on a postcard....

Dolly Daydream xoxo

Monday, 19 March 2012

My first life can change in the blink of an eye!

Ok, so here goes, my first blog.....ever. I set this blog account up a couple of years ago when I was super slim, super social and super successful. That is, super successful at being me. Well; in my own eyes I was anyway.

It was a time when I was really happy within myself, no boyfriend to contend with, great job I was enjoying (with another job on the side just for the social aspect), I was nearing the end of my 5 year part-time law degree, a social life to be envious of and I was at a weight with which I was happy; I could swan into topshop and select any dress I desired, size 10, any fit; although my fit of choice was mainly bodycon, baby; and boy did I rock that look...over and over and over....and over again. Now, I just stare enviously at young girls in Topshop choosing tight little mini's, hiding behind the rack which holds the floaty baby doll numbers that can cover a multitude of sins; the darker the colour the better as I tell myself it will help me fade into the background.

I'd spend my weekends partying with the gals; disco dancing til 6am, festivals, gigs and when I wasn't doing that I'd be either jogging through the woods with my little white dog in tow, following the WW diet flawlessly or preening my body to within an inch of its life; I had an ever glowing skin colour (false, of course; never one for a sunbed, me), a constant bouncy, shiny, curly blow dry and brows to die for (they were constantly under close supervision).

I read the book 'The Secret' like it was my bible and I had a gratitude list for things that I wanted to accomplish that year with things on it such as 'I will be able to speak fluent French within 6 months time' along with plenty of other life long personal goals such as; travel the world before I'm 30, be engaged at 30, be married at 32, have children at 35. Of course, life never works out the way plan it.

I have so far, accomplished a few of the things on that list, one of them was graduating with a law degree and the other? This blog. I've always loved reading (hate fiction books, though), I've loved writing since I was a child (friends and family members say I am brilliant at it, actual writers and critics would say terrible!) and most of all I love talking. Talking, talking, talking all day long. One day during the existence of my super successful self I thought, 'maybe I'll start a blog!', and so I did.

The only problem there was, what did I actually have to talk about worth reading? Nothing really. I love fashion, but I wouldn't say I was fashion savvy enough to be a fashion blogger, nor do I have the time or patience to scrawl the internet each and everyday all day long looking at new trend reports and keeping abreast of every new item to be listed on net-a-porter as and when it becomes available. And who'd want to blog about law?? So as quick as I set the blog account up, I logged out again and never gave it a second thought!

Fast forward to me now, March 2012 and I finally feel as though I have something to talk about; issues worth discussing and experiences worth sharing. I've had a baby. An unplanned one most definitely, but the happiest accident of my entire life; I must say.

You know those mums that have a spotlessly clean house and hair preened to perfection with 7 kids in tow who claim to be perfectly happy? They're not. And when they answer "it's great, I absolutely love every minute of it" in response to the question "how are you finding motherhood and looking after a newborn?"...They're lying. And it really is as simple as that. My response to that question would be a blatantly truthful; "it's effing hard work. Imagine it being hard work and then multiply that by 1000". Quite frankly, I could be that mum, with the spotless house and the fab hair and on some days, I am. But when I am, I don't leave the house to go anywhere or have time to play with my bubba because I don't have time!! So it only happens on very rare occasions. I imagine I'll get better at it as time goes on, though.

The reason for me keeping anonymous?? Well, I intend to use this blog as my outlet for expressing all of daily thoughts and I am positive the boyf (hereinafter referred to as 'BF') would be pretty upset and angry at me if he realised I was sharing every issue of our relationship and lives in general with the entire world. Plus, I couldn't exactly moan about my mother (or his) if they both were subscribers now, could I? So sadly, I won't be uploading regular pics of Isla and I at playgroup or wherever the dull weekdays happen to take us (I like to refer to them as 'The Groundhog Days') for risk of blowing my cover. Or believe me, I would do. My child is one of the most beautiful in the entire world. Biased? Yeah probably.

So until next time bloggers.......bon nuit.

Dolly Daydream xoxo